Julia’s story
It is hard to describe the impact Hope Thru Horses had on me because when a new way of thinking gets integrated as naturally as it did with Jo’s help, the experience becomes a feeling rather than something easily described in limiting-words. But, try I will!
When I went to Hope Thru Horses, the wide-open space and beautiful animals gave me a sense of peace right away. I live in Los Angeles and came all the way to England for Jo’s help, without knowing what to expect but knowing, at the same time, it was the right place to go. Just being allowed to stand near these huge, free animals filled me up with joy and awe. Though the horses are teachers, not all are unencumbered by their own fears. Some were raised with freedom and love on Jo’s property but others come from places that hurt them.
After spending five days with Jo and the horses, and watching children come to Talking Horses and Other Stories with Caroline…watching all the beauty and love that exist among fields of animals, trees, a little creek, a stone bridge, and with hours upon hours to just Be, I could feel my chest expanding. One night I even felt my heart get so big it vibrated and I couldn’t stop smiling as I went to sleep. I haven’t felt so much space in my chest and feel my heart so big in a long time, and it wasn’t going away, either. It felt like it was Me. And here to stay.
I’ve struggled with trusting myself for as long as I can remember. Relationships have concluded in one heartbreak after another. It’s hard to look at one’s own habits and admit to them. But I harbor a lot of fear of being manipulated, left, used, and unloved. So I’ve created situations that sabotage. Or, in an opposite order of events, I might run after people who remind me: I am not worthwhile. I have tried to manage the panic that arises when I feel rejected, or if I feel I have messed something up; I have tried managing the feelings of depression, and the seemingly never ending weight of the world I carry around with me every day. But on the inside, it’s been difficult to manage all of this Stuff. The thoughts have felt quite debilitating at times.
Walking in front of one horse (Angel) I worked with, holding the lead rope loosely in my hand, her nose at my elbow, I was reminded of something: long ago when I was a child, I used to love myself. I used to be my own best friend. I was aware of my feelings, what I wanted and what didn’t feel good. And I could happily entertain myself for hours. As most kids can. At school we’d always ask each other: if you could switch places with one person on Earth who would it be? My answer was always: someone else? Me!
But somewhere along the way that lead rope got dropped. I stopped trusting myself. I stopped trusting others’ intentions. I stopped walking alongside myself, my nose nuzzling my elbow, holding on to my own lead rope. I went into hiding. I am often antsy, looking for ways to block out this sense of disconnection. Having to catch a roaming horse on a big open field takes a certain kind of clarity of mind and intention. Learning to work with such a pure creature, who can read you like an open book, is an experience. It’s not that I haven’t the clarity, deep within. But how I express it to people is different. Working with the horses and Jo got me to feeling not so embarrassed to make mistakes. Not so embarrassed at being imperfect and not having the answers. Not so embarrassed at being Me. It got me to feeling like I have loads of love inside which exists already and I am able to tap into it any time. I can reconnect, by way of that lead rope, whenever I need to. I believe finally in that saying: First you must learn to love yourself, before….
It was a truly profound experience and I couldn’t recommend HTH any more emphatically. Of course, I was lucky in that I am already a believer in horses and animals. I’ve trusted them more than people all my life. I’d like to think though, with their help, I’ve a renewed sense of trust in people as well. For me, most notably! It’s been a different experience being home ever since. The relationships I have, got deeper and more gratifying. Those that aren’t, have fallen to the weigh-side. The ones I have yet to make will come at a peaceful pace too, I am sure. Thank you Jo and Caroline!
To find out more about how we can help you:
Call on 07780 675112
Or email jo@hopethruhorses.com